Depressed about my future

Have anyone ever felt depressed when thinking about your future? To be honest, that is me every single day. Because I have no one to talk about these thoughts to, I will just release it all here in this post. From when I was little till now, I guess you can say that I’m a 3 minute person. When I say that I want to do something, there is always something else that I want to do instead of that. When i was little, I wanted to be a artist, and the performing/ singing kind. But in terms of drawing . But the truth is that I can draw with my own mind, I could only copy a picture from a story book. When I was 9, I learned how to cook and till this day, i still love cooking. When I was little, i said that I wanted to open my own restaurant but today in the present, I tell myself that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a kitchen and I also promised myself that I would never cook for anyone ever again because people can’t appreciate the fact that I have spent my time to cook for them and they treat my food like trash. It really breaks my heart. Then when I was in middle school and going into highschool, I found out what Kpop was and I said to myself that I want to live the life they are living so,I practiced singing and learned how to dance. But in the end, I never followed through with that thought because I know that it wasn’t something that I will be able to handle and that I wasn’t talented in that field. So in high school,  I said that I wanted to become a fashion designer and I even took classes during the summer. When it was time to apply for college, I only applied to fashion schools and schools that are safe schools meaning that I could get into them without any effort. But when the results came, I was rejected by the fashion schools. So I tell myself that fashion wasn’t for me anyways. When i took summer courses in fashion, I realized that I didn’t have the same passion as the other people in that room and i wasn’t happy being in those classes. Now that i’m gonna start college, I decided to major in English and become an English teacher in Korea. But I know that the reason why I want to teach English in Korea is not because I love teaching but because I really want to move to Korea and start a new life there and the only way I can do that is if I can earn a living there and teaching would be my only solution. I really don’t know what I want to do with my life. There are many things that I want to do but I really want to find that one thing that I was meant to do. But I guess the reason why I can’t do anything is because I’m not a social-able person and that I have no friends or anyone in general that I can talk to and get some advice. ( Although I have people that I claim to be my “friends”)

I’m so sick of everyone in New York right now. People are so messed up and dirty. A guy that I treated as a friend during High School just did something that disgust me. And that something should only be shown by the person I love (call me conservative i don’t care…. but you probably know what I was referring to.) he did it through a live chat and i can’t help but to curse him out. He said he wanted to show me it but seriously? That is just plain disgusting. he claims that he only want to show me because I’m the only one he want to show it to but, he haven even talked to me that much during high school and NOW THIS I’m Sorry but I just cant take it.
People here DISGUST me.  And a few weeks before, I was followed by some strange person and now this? I JUST CAN’T. That’s why I swore to myself that once I finish college, I’m gonna get a English teaching job in a foreign country

Mortal Instrument City Of Bones Movie Trailer

Just saw the movie trailer and to be honest, I can’t wait to watch it but I’m also kind of disappointed at the same time. Seeing the trailer is so different from what I have imagined it to be and also, some of the things that happened in the trailer didn’t even happen in the book. In the trailer, there was a scene where, Clary’s mom was taken away and then Clary was attack by the demon. Now the different thing is that in the trailer, Jace was the one who killed the demon when in the book, it was Clary

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